Baby setps, but hopefully good steps

Last week was a good week for our son, despite the delay in the final court date.

On Tuesday I drove him to an interview at a sober house in Port Reading (right next to Woodbridge). At first I was not sure this was a good location, but after I looked at it I realized the house was only one mile from the train station, and he can take the train to his meetings, to Matawan to walk to Keyport for outpatient, and to other towns such as Redbank, Hazlet, etc, to look for work. He was in the house there for about 45 minutes and they voted him in. He really liked the house, and the guys in it. They were older (30's and 40's) and more committed and further along in their recovery.

On Wednesday he went on his own to Bradley Beach to another sober house, but he didn't like it. The house as nicer, but there were more people in it, and they were younger (all about his age) and he felt they were not as committed to their recovery as he would like, and less further along.

He therefore decided on moving into the sober house in Port Reading, with the move date set for 10/30.

Friday was an interesting day/evening. We first met with our son and his counselor to go over his discharge from the in-patient program and discuss things like his move, a budget, looking for a job, etc. He agreed that two sessions a week of outpatient would be fine, and it would give him more time to look for work, and hopefully work. We went over a budget possibility and while we were not in total agreement with all of the numbers we are at least in the same ballpark. Until he gets a job we are going to have to pay for all of his expenses (rent, food, cigarettes, transportation) and then will probably still have to help him out when he does find work. However, even if we have to pay the whole thing for awhile it will still be alot cheaper than him staying where he currently is ($200 a day now compared to $150 a week rent plus living expenses).

Everything went well until he asked for his laptop and a TV. We told him not yet. He was not happy. Our rationale is that we don't want him segregating himself in his room at the house. The house has a big-screen TV in the living room and a computer in the den for everyone to use. He wants the laptop for his music, and so he can start recording again. We told him he WILL get it, but not until he settles in at the house, can prove to us that he can lead a sober life, and finds a job. He was not happy, but eventually accepted out decision.

After the session with his counselor we went out to dinner and then instead of going to the family session went to one of the NA/CA meetings he goes to. This was excellent for us because it gave us a chance to meet some of the people that are in his support network....the people that he sees at the meetings most nights. While we did not learn anything new at the meeting, we did see how well some people are doing in their recovery (which gives us hope for our son's continued success in his recovery) and it reminded us that more people should do what we did. People who do not have a family member in recovery truly do not understand the disease of addiction. If they were to go to some of these meetings that would see that these recovering addicts are normal people, just like everyone else.

That's all for now. We help him move on Friday night, and then our anxiety level will increase because he will be on his own, which of course he had to get to eventually.