One year past hell

I have been well aware that I have not posted in almost a month. The way things have gone the past year, I consider that a major accomplishment. It means that nothing bad has happened, that our son is doing fine, and that we as a family are doing fine. However, it also means that nothing has changed. We still live with the fear of the phone call or the 'mom, dad, I have something to tell you' conversation. We still live with the fear of not knowing exactly what is going on in his head, and how much of his current state of not using is conformity or conversion. I cannot tell you how many times I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I either heard something, or that felt that 'something' has happened, and I go and check my phone or my email, or even look outside to see if there is a strange car parked down the street, or the police are outside. This means I am not recovered, and I need to make sure I keep it green and work on my own recovery. Last year at this time we were living in hell, and I never want to forget that.

The good news is.....our son is now clean 9 months. He is not in jail. He is alive. He is doing is community service once a week. He is going to meetings almost every night, and helping others run two other meetings (one in a detox center). I admire his progress and his recovery efforts. However, this is all he does. I really need him to find a job because he cannot progress unless he mainstreams himself more into the real world, where he has to get up in the morning to go to work even if its just a few days a week. At the very least, he should volunteer somewhere, and that may lead to a job.

My wife and I are realizing that we are indirectly enabling him to not work by continuing to pay for his living expenses (rent and food). We think the only way to light a fire under him is to cut back on the money we deposit into his account each week, until we are only paying for his rent. He was able to find drugs whenever he needed, he should be able to pick up some work....even if its not on a regular basis. If no work, then at the very least volunteer.

That's all I have right now. Life is ALOT better than it was last year at this time, and we are a stronger and closer family due to everything we went through. We still go to our support group and one of these days we will find the time to go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings. Recovery is a life-long process......I think I have the time.

The New Year begins

Another two weeks. No crisis. Baby steps. Progress, not perfection.

We made it through the holidays. Our son came home for Christmas for an overnight and he followed the rules we mandated for his first overnight visit home since May. Of course, by the end of the visit we were starting to fall into some old habits (ie parents vs kid) but there were no arguments and fights, and it was good that he came and also good that he had a place to go home to (his sober house).

Our son also made it safely through New Years Eve by going to a meeting and then to a sober party. We saw him on New Years Day for dinner and then drove him to a meeting. It was a good visit and it is interesting that when the four of us get together now (even just for dinner) we REALLY enjoy being together. I think it is because we all know how close we came to not having the four of us together ever again. You appreciate what you have when you almost lose it.

So, the new year begins and the old one is kicked to the curb. 2009 WAS awful and we are confident that 2010 is only going to get better.

Now....if he could only find a job.