This past Friday night's family session was good and hard. It was for two reasons. The first, our son is clearly frustrated with the whole process and was having a bad day. It took us a while to get out of him what was bothering him and it wasn't until the end of the night that we got the whole story. On the positive side, he DID participate more in the group session and had some interesting comments to make. The second reason why it was hard was because it was an emotional night for some of the other clients, which made it a very tough room to be in for awhile. We also said goodbye to another client who had been there for awhile and we had gotten to know. We pray for his continued success.
I have left a message with the counseling supervisor to see what she can do to help our son out. His primary counselor is on vacation this week, so it was not a big deal to call the supervisor. If our son and his counselor are not connecting then we feel they should make a change. It's been 8 weeks now, and he has given it his best shot with her. And, I cannot understand why they will not give him a non-addictive ADD medication to help him concentrate in sessions....this is just like school and this may be the only way he will be able to succeed.
On a personal note, I had a bad day on Sunday. Like a drug addict, certain things act as triggers to my emotions. In the early afternoon I was at the gym and I saw two kids who graduated in the same class as our son, and then about a half hour later I heard the song Beautiful Boy by John Lennon and I lost it. Specifically, the lyrics
Close your eyes, Have No Fear.
The Monsters gone
He’s On The Run and your daddy’s here
And
Before you cross the street, take my hand…..
In our son's case, the monster is his addiction, and I CAN'T HELP HIM! I can't take his hand, help him cross the street and make everything better. I got home and my wife was in his room (we are still trying to go through everything and clean it up) and I sat there and lost it again for a good 10 minutes or more. I guess I needed a good cry, because I was a bit better afterwards, but the rest of the day and into the night I was kind of going through the motions, sitting on the couch, trying to read (and I couldn't) and I ended up just watching TV at night really not paying attention to much.
I'm better, for now.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
We met with his counselor
Ok. This update is a little late but so be it. My wife and I, plus our younger son and a friend of his were away the last 5 days DTS (that's down the shore) and had 5 wonderful perfect weather days on the beach. It was a great chance to unwind, relax, and forget about the stress our older son has placed on our family. The vacation was at times bittersweet because he was not with us, but this was tempered by knowing that #1 he is where he needs to be, and #2 at 20 years old how many more vacations would he have spent with us anyway?
Before we left, we went down to his treatment/rehab center and had a meeting with him and his primary counselor. While he IS making progress all of the counselors there feel that he is just not being totally open and honest with himself, opening up at meetings, and sometimes getting caught up with some people there that just are not taking this seriously. He says that he is taking this seriously and that he feels he is making more progress than they SEE. We tried to explain to him that he needs to be more open in meetings and let his feelings and thoughts out, otherwise the counselors there will not think he is progressing as well as he thinks he is. We think he was rather taken aback by our strategy as he probably thought my wife and I would side more with him, which we did not, and he seemed a bit miffed that we were taking the side of his counselor. We hope that this worked because he HAS to get this, he HAS to show them that he understands the seriousness of his disease and that he HAS to show them outwardly that he is an active participant in his recovery. If he doesn't, all bets are off and who knows what could happen legally.
I hate this shit with a passion. This really sucks.......
Before we left, we went down to his treatment/rehab center and had a meeting with him and his primary counselor. While he IS making progress all of the counselors there feel that he is just not being totally open and honest with himself, opening up at meetings, and sometimes getting caught up with some people there that just are not taking this seriously. He says that he is taking this seriously and that he feels he is making more progress than they SEE. We tried to explain to him that he needs to be more open in meetings and let his feelings and thoughts out, otherwise the counselors there will not think he is progressing as well as he thinks he is. We think he was rather taken aback by our strategy as he probably thought my wife and I would side more with him, which we did not, and he seemed a bit miffed that we were taking the side of his counselor. We hope that this worked because he HAS to get this, he HAS to show them that he understands the seriousness of his disease and that he HAS to show them outwardly that he is an active participant in his recovery. If he doesn't, all bets are off and who knows what could happen legally.
I hate this shit with a passion. This really sucks.......
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Status quo for now....
First post in two weeks, and I may post again tomorrow if I have time.
Our son is still in treatment and progressing. Not as fast as we would like but we know this is a long process and like a good book or wine, needs time to develop. We have had two good visits over the last two weeks during the family sessions, one of which he was not there because it was on a Thursday night and that is the night he goes out with his sponsor. However, we went anyway and like always, these sessions as sensational. We have learned so much about this horrible disease and have come to appreciate the people we are travelling down this path with, because quite frankly (and this is NOT an insult to those who are not in the same situation as we are in) the only people who truly understand what we are going through are the people we meet and talk with at the family sessions and at our parent support group.
On a negative note, our son did receive a behavioral penalty for cheeking one of his medications....saving it for another time. That is a clear violation of their rules and he could have been kicked out of the program, but was not (thankfully)....probably due to his honesty when caught and his willingness to work the program. We are meeting with his counselor tomorrow to discuss his treatment, so if I have time I will post how that meeting went.
On a sad note, tomorrow night we are leaving on a vacation down the shore, and this is the first vacation in 20 years that has not included our older son. This is getting us down a bit and even though our younger son is bringing a friend and we will have a good time, there will be a void that cannot be filled. BUT.....I know deep in my heart that we are doing the right thing and that it will hopefully lead to more vacations with him in the years to come.
Our son is still in treatment and progressing. Not as fast as we would like but we know this is a long process and like a good book or wine, needs time to develop. We have had two good visits over the last two weeks during the family sessions, one of which he was not there because it was on a Thursday night and that is the night he goes out with his sponsor. However, we went anyway and like always, these sessions as sensational. We have learned so much about this horrible disease and have come to appreciate the people we are travelling down this path with, because quite frankly (and this is NOT an insult to those who are not in the same situation as we are in) the only people who truly understand what we are going through are the people we meet and talk with at the family sessions and at our parent support group.
On a negative note, our son did receive a behavioral penalty for cheeking one of his medications....saving it for another time. That is a clear violation of their rules and he could have been kicked out of the program, but was not (thankfully)....probably due to his honesty when caught and his willingness to work the program. We are meeting with his counselor tomorrow to discuss his treatment, so if I have time I will post how that meeting went.
On a sad note, tomorrow night we are leaving on a vacation down the shore, and this is the first vacation in 20 years that has not included our older son. This is getting us down a bit and even though our younger son is bringing a friend and we will have a good time, there will be a void that cannot be filled. BUT.....I know deep in my heart that we are doing the right thing and that it will hopefully lead to more vacations with him in the years to come.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Two good visits this past weekend
Wow. I'm late in my latest entry. Not sure if this means I am doing better or worse. Time will tell.
A good weekend with regard to visiting our son in rehab.......funny, if someone would have told me even two years ago that I would be visiting my son in a rehab center for drug abuse I would have said they were crazy. He had everything going for him the summer after he graduated high school: a good car, making good money at camp and giving music lessons, great friends, his bands, his talent, etc. His current situation should prove to everyone that this can all be lost in the blink of an eye.
We saw our son twice this past weekend. We went down for the usual Friday night family session, and as usual it was excellent. My wife and I get so much out of these sessions and learn so much it is really worth the aggravation of driving down the parkway on a Friday night. We learned that there were some more relapses in the week between the sessions, including some people in our sons house that were kicked out for drinking. Our son seems to have accepted the fact that he is not coming home for quite awhile, and actually participated a little bit in the group session. I don't know if he was doing that for our benefit or if he is really starting to turn. Only time will tell. I am trying to not get over-confident because the last time I did that I got slapped in the face with our latest legal issue.
On Sunday we went back down, this time to the group house he is in for an unsupervised family visit that he earned. All of us, including the dog, were able to go see him and spend 2+ hours with him at this house. We basically just sat outside on the porch with him, his brother, and the dog just being a family again. Talking about family things and doing what a family is supposed to do....of course, in the setting of a group home for recovering addicts. We talked about alot of things, including his recovery, and he is starting to look forward to the next phase because he wants to get a job down there....he even inquired about us bringing down a bicycle for him to use so he can get to work. We brought down one of his guitars and he asked and they allowed him to keep it. As long as the guitar does not take away any time from his recovery effort it is fine.
All in all it was a good visit, and I felt it went better then expected. I was afraid that in an unsupervised setting we might get some push-back from him on staying for a long time but there was none. I was also afraid about how I was going to feel leaving him but I was fine, probably because I am starting to see some real progress. I am trying to not get over-confident but maybe he is starting to change. Only time will tell.
A good weekend with regard to visiting our son in rehab.......funny, if someone would have told me even two years ago that I would be visiting my son in a rehab center for drug abuse I would have said they were crazy. He had everything going for him the summer after he graduated high school: a good car, making good money at camp and giving music lessons, great friends, his bands, his talent, etc. His current situation should prove to everyone that this can all be lost in the blink of an eye.
We saw our son twice this past weekend. We went down for the usual Friday night family session, and as usual it was excellent. My wife and I get so much out of these sessions and learn so much it is really worth the aggravation of driving down the parkway on a Friday night. We learned that there were some more relapses in the week between the sessions, including some people in our sons house that were kicked out for drinking. Our son seems to have accepted the fact that he is not coming home for quite awhile, and actually participated a little bit in the group session. I don't know if he was doing that for our benefit or if he is really starting to turn. Only time will tell. I am trying to not get over-confident because the last time I did that I got slapped in the face with our latest legal issue.
On Sunday we went back down, this time to the group house he is in for an unsupervised family visit that he earned. All of us, including the dog, were able to go see him and spend 2+ hours with him at this house. We basically just sat outside on the porch with him, his brother, and the dog just being a family again. Talking about family things and doing what a family is supposed to do....of course, in the setting of a group home for recovering addicts. We talked about alot of things, including his recovery, and he is starting to look forward to the next phase because he wants to get a job down there....he even inquired about us bringing down a bicycle for him to use so he can get to work. We brought down one of his guitars and he asked and they allowed him to keep it. As long as the guitar does not take away any time from his recovery effort it is fine.
All in all it was a good visit, and I felt it went better then expected. I was afraid that in an unsupervised setting we might get some push-back from him on staying for a long time but there was none. I was also afraid about how I was going to feel leaving him but I was fine, probably because I am starting to see some real progress. I am trying to not get over-confident but maybe he is starting to change. Only time will tell.
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