Our first visit to the treatment center

I have to remember a few things.

1.  He is still in early recovery.  No matter how much time has passed we are still in the early stages of his recovery and I cannot expect an overnight change to his attitude and the way he thinks.

2.  The health care system in this country with regard to addiction and mental illness stinks.  Until you are involved in this side of the system you never realize how limiting their coverage is.  If our son had a serious life threatening illness most of what he needed would be covered.  However, even though addictions and mental illness can kill a person just as easily, the insurance companies find more ways to limit coverage than I have ever seen.  They feel that a few weeks in-patient is all a person needs, followed by out-patient coverage, no matter what the situation.  

3.  I need to accept #1 and #2 above as facts that cannot be changed.  Yes, it is madenning that I am not seeing fast progress with out son and it drives me crazy knowing how much money I will be spending for his recovery over the next year.  I need to not let it bother me and become all-consuming, no matter how hard it is. 

Our visit on Friday night went as well as we could have expected.  I won't go into the snafu regarding his step-down to the other house that was supposed to occur and how we almost didn't get to see him.  We did enjoy the group session (the subject this week was co-dependency and how we enable) and it WAS good to see him after two weeks of him being away. However (and this is where I need to remember he is still in early recovery) I did not see a big improvement in him, the way he looked, and the way he acted.  During a break we had a chance to speak to him outside and he expressed a desire to be home soon.  We explained to him that he still had a long way to go and he needs to show us that he can stay clean, out of trouble, and hold down a job before we would consider him coming home, and that when he gets home he has to have a job first as I will not allow him to sit on the couch all day like he did when he returned home from Carrier.  I reminded him that he has a ton of legal hurdles ahead and that the longer he stays in treatment the better his chances of remaining out of jail.  Jail.....what a harsh word when you think about your son, but this is his harsh reality for not thinking about the consequences of his actions.   I want him to come home more than anything (there is a huge hole in my heart without him home doing what he was supposed to be doing)  but I cannot have him home the way it used to be.  It HAS to be different and he is the only one that can make this happen.